Disheartened

I haven't written in awhile and thought I would sit down after a few months and send my thoughts out into cyberspace.  Lately, (the past few months) I have felt disheartened and have not felt the need to sit down and share my feelings/thoughts.  These feelings that I had were so strong that they actually robbed me of something that I enjoy immensely.  It was after I very slowly found my way towards the end of my "funk" that I came to the realization that I was letting outside circumstances and just plain bad luck change me and who I am.  This does come back to a previous post of mine titled "dying dreams", which is exactly what I'm talking about here.  I was set up to succeed (which I was whole heartedly planning on), but God's idea of succeeding was very different than what I wanted.  I heard song lyrics say "He's not finished with me yet" and it hit me that just because my little plans didn't come true doesn't mean that God has greater plans far beyond my wildest imagination.  

What I'm For....My version of Pat Green's song

I'm for newly sharpened pencils and school supplies

I'm for sitting on a porch swing on a warm spring day

I'm for southern ice tea, the sweeter the better

I'm for warm Jiffy cornbread right out of the oven

I'm for learning something new each day

I'm for having the guts to say I'm sorry and trying to learn from my mistakes

I'm for telling people I love them and how much they mean to me

I'm for not only praying during the valleys in life, but thanking God while on top of the mountains

I'm for loving deeply, like I've never been hurt

I'm for the thrill of a new adventure and to feel blood pump through my veins

I'm for always growing, changing, and trying to improve myself

I'm for having deep meaningful relationships with people where I can be completely myself and feel accepted no matter what

I'm for finding out what I love and life and doing that consistently 

Friendship...what a blessing

I recently created a book club made up of 8 friends of mine.  Every woman is extremely different.  Our ages, backgrounds, belief systems, and a few different occupations as well.  The one thing that ties us all together is a fondness for reading and fellowship.  As I looked around the table tonight as each woman shared their unique perspective on our current novel, I couldn't help but feel immensely grateful for the people that god has put into my life that nurtured me into the person who I am today.  I remember going off to college with stifled and unrealistic views of the world.  God in his all knowing power and grace stripped away the layers from my eyes to show me an entirely different side of the world that I had never known and probably wouldn't have without the amazing people I call my friends.

"You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another." -Proverbs 27:17

Dying Dreams

Dying dreams...everyone has them.  They start out as tiny desires and turn into large, grandiose plans.  They start out as healthy thoughts of motivation and drive, but often close our eyes and minds to other opportunities and paths.  Our lives will NEVER go the way we plan it.  God has amazing plans for every individual.  I thought I would be hired right after college graduation, so didn't happen!!  I thought I would still be living with my best friend, that ended a long time ago.  I thought I would have the typical relationship, both of us living in close proximity.  But, despite the frustrations I have felt because things didn't fit into my plan, I have learned more about myself in the past 3 months than most of my college years.  I have had the mirror put right in front of my face to force me to examine my life and what really matters to me.  I had to let my dreams die so that God could open up his amazing plans for me.  It's like the old Garth Brooks' song "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers".  Letting your dreams die is sometimes essential to let God's plan become reality.  

By Your Side- Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you lifeI want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Black

Black

Black is the immense galaxy, a frigid cave, and the small print of a worn novel.

Black is the taste of licorice, sweet and bitter.

Black smells like an old, musty abandoned house.

Black makes me feel loneliness deep within my soul.

Black is the sound of creepy silence that makes you turn around.

Black is a homeless cat, a broken heart, and a dead end.

Black is a permanent marker.